Bakura's Rant
by Lily Angel of Chaos
Summary: A rant by Bakura on a range of subjects...from how annoying his past self is, to various pairings. Similar to my others. Rated T for mentions of sex and some "bad" words...yaoi geminishipping implied, along with forth wall destruction.


_**Another Rant, this time from Bakura...I was bored.**_

**Break**

I've finally managed to get some time on the computer. I never realised how much of a dick my past self was. I don't remember being that annoying. I mean sure, I'd go out and destroy some villages just for the hell of it, and I'd often steal just to annoy someone else but...okay, forget it.

My point is that Akefia hasn't been letting me on here...nor has he been letting me be get out of bed. At all.

...

Wow that sounded wrong. By that I meant he kept knocking me out, not that we kept having sex. I'm not that narcissistic...even if I do miss my old body. I'm stuck with Ryou's.

Ryou, my so-called darling hikari, is a wuss. I've met twelve year old girls stronger than him, and that's saying something. Then again, he isn't as innocent as people think he is. He does know what sex is (he lives in a house with me and Akefia), and he does swear...occasionally...in a British accent. Bloody hell.

Also, I've read his little rant (he thought he could hide it from me but no, no-one can hide anything from me, for I am Thief King Bakura! Akefia, we're the same person, and therefore we are both good thieves...no you're not better than me...Radammit, let me finish my rant!), where Ryou states that I look like a cat. I also happen to get call "bunny", "Baku-chan" and "kitty" in several fanfics. I even get called "kitty" in this thing you call Yugioh the Abridged Series. I AM NOT A KITTY!

These things on my head...that is called hair. Not bunny ears, not bat wings, not devil horns; HAIR. If you think mine's bad, you should see Yami's, Atemu's, Yuugi's, Marik's and Mako's. They're all way worse than me. I just need a way to be different and more badass than Ryou is while stuck in his girly body. The eyes the colour of dried blood and the badass coat help too.

I love my sexy trench coat. Face it; I look better than Kaiba did in one. Yeah, I went there! I'm a badass, sexy villain, what more can you expect? He's just an antihero...the worst kind of hero there is.

Akefia, just because I'm sexy does not mean we should go have sex right now...I'm busy. And you so aren't sexier than me!

I only said that last night because...uh...I was in a difficult position. You're only stronger than me because I'm in Ryou's wimpy ass body right now...yes I will find a way out, dammit!

If you're wondering why I'm typing this while saying it, it's because I want you to see what I have to put up with every day...a horny Thief King...plus he can read the screen. I might go round to Malik's later...maybe we can find Marik, stop him eating the furniture and blow something up. No Akefia you can't come...someone has to look after Ryou.

HAHAHAHA! Sorry, Akefia just told me that Ryou's put him on a diet! He won't let him eat raw meat and onions anymore! See Akefia, this is why I branched out...into crisps, chocolate and sweets. Modern processed food that tastes of sugar and plastic. Mmmm, delicious...

If you're wondering how wimpy ass host Ryou can get Akefia to eat stuff, it's through the most dangerous weapon on Earth. Seriously, it should be classed as illegal. I can see Akefia shivering in fear. See how terrifying it is? No Akefia, I know it was fear...it's at least thirty degrees in here...plus you're not wearing a shirt and you're sweating...or is that out of fear too?

...

Sorry about the gap, Akefia decided to knock me out again...anyway, the terrifying weapon I was talking about is of course, the dreaded PUPPY EYES! They're terrifying! Honestly! Would I lie to you?

...Okay, don't answer that question. I would, I'm evil, what do you expect? However, I would never lie on an issue like this. My hikari may be a pansy, but he knows how to use is cuteness to his advantage.

Now, I finally get to my section on pairings. I mean, Ryou already covered screen time in his, and I did get more than him...even if I only won one duel on screen. I prefer TTRPGs. More chance for cheating...I mean, beating Yami. Because those two are essentially the same thing.

Thiefshipping - Me and Malik. No. He is way too effeminate and generally annoying. He's also stupid. But he does have good ideas on what to blow up (like the Kame Game shop)...and some not-so-good ideas (Ishizu's cat, for example). Akefia's now saying that I'm effeminate too. I'm going to ignore him. I'm not as girly as Malik...or Ryou...or Anzu.

Psychoshipping - Me and Marik. Well the name works...if he didn't keep trying to eat me, it would help. Plus I seem to be on the bottom...a lot. I'm not a bitch! Now Akefia's laughing and saying that I am...

Tendershipping - Me and Ryou. The name of this shows a lot. I would never be nice enough to be with Ryou...I'm EVIL. Evil and cute don't go together. Plus the clichés are too...cliché. I would never actually hit him...mental torture is better. I am, however, definitely strong enough to do so, so stop your Radammed laughing before I hit you!

That's all. I'm too annoyed with Akefia to go any further. I'm going to Malik's. Just pray we don't decide to blow up your house...hehehe...

**Break**

_**Review?**_


End file.
